There I was at the kitchen table in my underwear and socks eating cheese and reading about six things men do that women find sexy. Six things, I thought to myself while waiting for the link to open. I can count that on one hand. The article was no doubt bathroom fodder, only I never take my computer into the loo. I use my cell phone in there.
I admit, I was impatient and very curious to know what those six things were. So I stopped gnawing on my block of cheese, brushed falling crumbs off my belly and chest, and started to read.
You want to be sexy?
First off, you’ve got to make her laugh. So you better be damn funny… and casual while you’re at it. You don’t want to try too hard like I’m doing here.
Second, you’ve got to show some interest. I’m not talking about grabbing and groping, fawning and drooling. No. To quote from that West Side Story song, “Get cool, boy.”
Be subtle, as well. A nice touch is a light touch on her shoulder or lower back (not her ass… you haven’t gotten in her pants yet) as you chat or make your way through a crowded place… an elevator, for example.
Next, you’ve got to be confident. Think CaryClintConneryClooneyClarkeMcQueen. A bit of swag but no braggadocio. Know who you are. Don’t worry about who others think you are.
You’ve got to be passionate, as well. Not just in bed, though that’s not a bad place to start. Once that fire’s extinguished, you’ve got to be passionate about life and some aspects of living beyond sports, drinking beer, your favorite sitcom, and your fifteen minutes of bedtime fame.
Then there’s style. Forget the Marlboro Man. The rugged unkempt look is passé. It’s all about name brands and fads these days. So get with it. Dump the ripped jeans and rough hands. Visit a tailor, instead. Get a manicure while you’re at it.
Finally, you’ve got to be a softy. Say what?! You mean like limp? Nope. Be a sensitive new age guy and let your inner child speak. Hell, nowadays we men can be stay-at-home dads and even cry. Don’t laugh. I’ve done both.
There you have it. And WOW, that’s a lot to ask. A confident softy? That’s a tough one to pull off when trying to show your passion with style. She’s the one who’ll be laughing and wondering how interested you really are.
So don’t try to do it all.
In the end, it’s all about finesse. And balance. It’s a real tightrope we men must walk if we want women to find us sexy. Sitting here in my underwear and socks, I scratch my cheesy belly button and wonder: Do I have what it takes?
CLEW readers, why not let us know what you find sexy in a man or what is absolutely unsexy. Go on, let your guard down and type away –
By Dan Franch, November 2015.
Dan is also a cartoonist for wort.lu/eng.